Featured Article

Tough Love Can Truly be True Love
Written by Julie M. Armenta, M.A. Education & Family Specialist
Armenta Learning Academy

If you are looking to show your students or children love not only on Valentine's Day, but throughout the year, I have some effective recommendations that will work for you and your children. Parents often ask me what they can do to achieve success in the home and at school for their children. One of the best things we can do as educators, parents, and mentors for our children, is to set healthy, obtainable, realistic, objective boundaries and rules for our children. I strongly believe and recommend to always effectively communicate with your children. Be specific about what you expect from your children, so you can set them up for success not failure. The first step is to not only tell them, but model and show your children what needs to be achieved and what specifically is being asked of them. If you are asking them to be on time, then as a model to your children, you need to also model and be on time. Secondly, not only should you tell them, but write it down. Make it clear and concise and post rules and expectations where the whole family can see and be a part of the experience to make it concrete and enjoyable. Lastly, I have found on the most efficient and effective approaches is to sit down and write a contract, which the parents design for the child to meet specific needs, behaviors and goals. Be sure to go over the contract with your child to assure there are no questions and have them sign it to make it clear and concrete. It now puts accountability into the child's hands and takes it out of the parents. Children can now make choices on their own and live with the outcome of their actions whether it be consequences or privileges. Don't back down and stick to dates and deadlines and have both parent and child sign the contract and agree to these specific behaviors and terms. Here is a sample of a contract for a high school student to assist you, but these contracts can be adjusted and adapted for children of all ages. This contract will create solutions and success at home and school and you should see efficient and quick results within your child's efforts and attitude with goals you are looking to achieve.

SAMPLE STUDENT & PARENT CONTRACT

Education Goals:
Attend Armenta Learning Academy keeping grades of a "C" or better in all subjects. No sports/outside activities or driving privileges will be granted with any grades below a "C" average. I will attend Armenta Learning Academy for 20 hours each week from the hours of 9am to 1pm Monday-Friday until graduation, which will be in 8 months and will attend summer school to complete studies until August 31, 2011. I will complete homework between the hours of 3-5 pm daily. I will also meet with Mrs. Armenta or Mr. Smith at least once a week for counseling, check-in and goal setting.

Career Goals:
Obtain a job within 30 days and work a minimum of 12-20 hours per week, while putting 50% of income into a Savings Account. Paychecks will be viewed by parents every payday.

Transportation Goals:
Begin Driver's Education and Training Classes and complete the remaining 3 hours within 7 days of this contract. Obtain Driver's License within 2 months after completing Driver's Training. Driving Rules: After obtaining a Driver's License, permission must be given by a parent to use the car, and contact must be available via cell phone at ALL times. No other persons are to be in the car besides a parent at ALL times. If using the car, be home (not on the way) BY CURFEW. After 30 days of obtaining a job, gas will not be paid by parents and will be your complete responsibility. 50% of your Auto Insurance will be paid by parents, as long as you are working, attending school, and living at home. The other 50% will be your responsibility.

Financial Goals:
To obtain a job within 30 days of moving home, and put 50% of all income into Savings, pay for 50% of auto insurance, and all gas and entertainment costs.

Behavior Goals:
Attend counseling at least one hour per week, as well as a support group one hour per week until the age of 18. Curfew will be 12AM, and lateness will not be tolerated and privileges will be lost as a result. Blaming others for YOUR mistakes or misbehavior is not acceptable and will result in loss of privileges.

Lifestyle Goals:
No arguing/refusal to comply with rules or regulations will be tolerated and privileges will be lost as a result. Living at home is a privilege and refusal to abide by set rules will not be accepted and will result in loss of privileges. This includes living at home until the age of 18. A minimum of 30 minutes daily chores will be completed each day including keeping your room clean, taking out the trash, and walking the dog, and this will also be required before outside privileges will be granted. Fighting or causing physical harm to parents/siblings is not following house rules and will have consequences. If there is a lack of compliance with set house rules, you will have 30 days to find a new residence or placement.

Social Goals:
Appropriate clothing will be worn, which means drug or sex related clothing is not acceptable. Healthy friendships will be maintained, and inviting friends over must be permitted by parent and be supervised (no friends over without a parent). Permission must be granted to go out, and parent must have knowledge of your whereabouts AT ALL TIMES. Cigarettes, alcohol, drugs/drug paraphernalia or weapons of any kind is not allowed in the home/car. Drug use of ANY kind is not acceptable and WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. Cell phone activity will have reasonable hours and may not be used between school hours of 8am to 3pm and will be turned off by 10pm on school nights and 12am on weekends. During these off hours, your cell phone may only be used in case of EMERGENCY. Find healthy, appropriate activities to enjoy for a balanced and healthy lifestyle.

If you as a parent need assistance or support to set up a student & parent contract, feel free to set up an appointment and we can individualize and personalize a contract for your child/children to create solutions and success for your child at home and at school. Good luck and enjoy the process and progress with your child and family.

Article written by
Julie M. Armenta, MA Founder & Education & Family Specialist
Armenta Learning Academy
26041 Cape Dr., #270
Laguna Niguel, CA 92677
949-367-WISE(9473)
academicsuccessnow@yahoo.com